Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
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Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
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The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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