I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
