The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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