someone get that fucking seahorse.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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