I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Houston, we have a blender
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
