everyone is single if you try hard enough
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
