If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
