I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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