im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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