we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
