Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize