Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
