I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
