hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
