The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
