I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
