is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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