i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
