I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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