a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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