Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
