I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
