ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
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