Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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