dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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