you guys were way drunker than both of me
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
