Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
