thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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