Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
