he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We need to get me chipped asap
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
