I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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