she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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