That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
