I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
