Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
