The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
