Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
