he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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