I think my vagina is haunted
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
