Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
