if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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