he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
