Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
