I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
