Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
