it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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