It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
