I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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