i need an iv and a liver transplant
I accidentally burped into my bong.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
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