I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
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Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
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nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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