I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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