So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
