Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
