i don't like sucking hair
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
