i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
