this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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