They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
