I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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