i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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