Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
