Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I will pee on everything he values.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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