guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
