Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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