My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
