im six kinds of drunk right now
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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