I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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