Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
two words...techno handjob
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
