Got a toothbrush?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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