my text book just quoted the cookie monster
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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