oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
