If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
