I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
