he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
