How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
