Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
