well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
