Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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