youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
