I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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