Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
