God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
