I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
