Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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