I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Vodka?
Forever.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
