from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
