my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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