is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
