I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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