I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
