walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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